Welcome friends, to a Community Grieving and Loving space, supported by ceremonial Cacao on 1 September 2019 in Rolle, Switzerland. It will be a space for us to come together to open our hearts to FEEL all that it means to be alive on this planet today. Please see full details at the bottom of this article.
There is so much pain and suffering, personal and collective, near and far, and it can feel unbearable to feel it, and even moreso to feel it alone.
I recently returned from the wild nature of Sweden and a deeply transformative experience of empowering the masculine within. One of the most important gifts of growth that I received during this retreat with Estera Saraswati and our team was to feel the pain of my heart opening.
My personal intention was to open the heart of my inner warrior, for my masculine to have the courage to really see and feel more, and take action from a place of love, to show how much he cares, standing up for...
It has a strong pull on me, the zombie state
It’s so easy to belong
Such a generous welcome into accepted norms
Succumbing to distractions I got tricked
By my own mind
I thought it was my own choice
Betrayed, manipulated by an invisible force
At first it didn’t feel good, discomfort in my body
The weight of a heavy cloak
Aggressions of a modern kind
I contracted, angry, fighting, flames burning within
Ah, but the bliss of numbness called
It lured me in, slowly, like an incoming fog
I hardly noticed myself falling asleep
The part of me that was so willing to give up
Release all responsibility, not answer to any call
It’s all too much, the world is a mess, why bother
Ah it’s oh so welcoming this sleepiness
Watching the world pass by, corrupt, destruct
Nothing can touch me here
I see and I hear but I do not feel
I play the game
Cement has hardened around my heart
Like the cement that suffocates life all around me
Disgust and despair
"It takes courage to live in this world and it takes courage to love in this world."
A quote from Dan Millman
I agree. It takes a warrior spirit to keep choosing to open our hearts and dive into our vulnerability in order to be an expression of compassion for change.
My inner dialogue might go something like this:
I feel a surge of disappointment rising. Like a dark cloud passing in front of the sun, I am plunged into the darkness. I know this place. I don't like this place. Oh no! not again. I feel my rib-cage tightening and my heart closing as my thoughts get heavy and the whole world - out there - seems dull and disappointing through these darkened lenses. I feel bad so my mind thinks I am bad. I feel worthless and unloveable, so I judge and push everyone away. I resist. I fight. But I'm firmly stuck here in the mud and it feels ugly.
"My love. Be gentle with yourself," says my inner Warrior of Compassion. "How human of you to feel this....
Yep, you will see quite a few posts and programmes here for women. This one is only for you because you are important. At the core of all I do, the deepest longing in my heart, is that we come together, consciously, compassionately and support each other as human beings, beyond gender, to bring out the most potent, vibrant, healthy versions of ourselves.
This was text I included in my recent message to the women in the Living Sacred Womanhood project:
What about the Men ?
We acknowledge the real challenges and honour the greatness of men, our brothers. We, as women, come together to do our work to heal and cultivate that which is uniquely female, in order to be better prepared to initiate our brothers, bow at their feet, receive their gifts, meet heart to heart, and stand side by side, in equal measure.
We respect and are grateful to the men that do their own work together to heal and cultivate that which is...
In December 2013 I sat amongst over 300 people at Christian Pankhurst’s Heart Summit in Holland. I felt a part of me wanting to run screaming out of that huge circular room filled with all these strangers learning to feel more and be present in their hearts.
There was a part of me so afraid to be seen and to feel embarrassed or not good enough or unloveable.
The part of me that liked to keep everything in my environment under ‘control’ so that I didn’t need to feel vulnerable or feel what I didn’t like to feel was totally overwhelmed and freaking out.
As a highly sensitive empath everything in that room felt amplified 100 times.
I wanted out of there. I wanted to be alone to sort myself out and put everything back under control before coming back into the space, showing up just how I like to be!!
Have you ever felt like this?
In that moment, I didn’t leave. I put up my hand.
As the microphone got passed...
I choose to experience this lifetime as a journey, as a sacred pilgrimage, as an adventure deeper into the unknown, into the wilderness, with no fixed destination in mind as this would only limit my journey to that which I already know.
I wish to experience the journey with open heart and open mind and open senses so as to be fully available to the wisdom revealing itself to me and the guidance emerging for each next step.
I choose to feel my vulnerability as this journey unfolds and to meet it all with courage and humility.
The more I let go of the ‘me’ and ‘mine’, the more I open to ‘we’ and ‘us’, the more I am touched and humbled by the wings of Grace embracing and guiding all that is part of this magnificent voyage.
May we all find our joyful travel mates and always see the hand reaching out in support.
May we take our turn to courageously and wholeheartedly lead the way.
May we always remember to look back and to wait patiently...
So I’ve been in my personal rest cave for a few days and today as I emerge out of my cave I can really feel the benefits. Ah, my heart is open to receive and share with joy, compassion and love. My mind is more clear and I can discern more easily what is my truth, what is good for me and what not. What is a “no” and what is a “hell yes!”. I can see more clearly the vibrant colours of Life.
I am filled with creativity, hope and optimism. I envision limitless potential. Self-worth, inner knowing and courage have taken the place of fear, doubt and anxiety. I feel soft in my body, with a deep sense of trust in life.
I realise that these moments of withdrawal, deep rest and letting go are so essential for me to stay aligned with my truth, in-tune with my body, and the rhythms of Nature that are affecting me.
Anyone else feeling this need for regular retreat? It seems to me to be the only way to navigate this fast-moving, over-stimulated, externally-focused...
Here we are in 2018! A new beginning invites curiosity, hope, inspiration, and dreaming….. and maybe some hidden anxiety ?
I notice that if I am not careful, I fall into old patterns of over-planning and planning to do too much.
How about you?
When I stop to notice, I realise that this over-planning and setting resolutions that require more doing is driven by my head and the fear of ‘lack’ or not being enough already.
It’s also the desire to have everything under control and fear of the unknown outside the edges of my comfort zone.
However, this creates an underlying, often unconscious, low vibration anxiety that affects my nervous system, my digestive system, my sleep, and my organs, especially my liver, and therefore I start to get muscle tension.
Isn’t it fascinating?!!
What once seemed like positive thinking was actually keeping me locked in old patriarchal ways.
These old ways also...
I seem to be apologising a lot lately! My shadow side showing up and getting projected out on to others. Perhaps it’s a quick cutting comment, or an energetic withdrawal and being cold, or more easily being in conflict. Sometimes it’s a sense of inner turmoil and feeling down, with self-doubt and addictive or self-defeating patterns showing up. Bleh! I don’t like when this is going on. I feel my body tense and a bit numb to emotions. I feel my vibrations low. I can sense I’m being protective or defensive. My mind is not trustworthy.
It’s a bit like walking through a bog (very Irish analogy), trying to tip-toe through, yet every so often dropping in up to your knees, or even falling flat on your face in the mud, and then blaming someone else rather than laughing out loud and rolling around in it!
Does any of this resonate for you? I’m hearing it from many people these days.
But of course!! Of course it’s so strong right now at the time...
STALKING AWARENESS is a powerful shamanic practice to hunt out your absolute truth, including by stalking your deep inner wisdom, your shadows, and hidden truths…
Just like a great hunter, stalking your truth requires:
Are you ready for the HUNT my friends?
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